sorrryyy...

its been a while. i havent had a lot to talk about till now.
now i have a ton to talk about. although boys probably dont read this...
here's a little note for you;
when you ignore your gf or girl you like because shes annoying you because she's going through alot and wants to talk... its hurts. pretending like she never texted you or called you and not returning those calls/texts. thats a a-hole thing to do, (especially when she knows you got them). dumb excuses as to why you didnt respod. ignoring that hurt... that does serious damage. the end.
i admit that was written out of anger and i think its okay to be angry right about now.

-i'm so glad my momma raised me right. she taught me to do what was right even when its hard. to be a girlfriend, wife, and a momma myslef. she taught that above doing whats right for yourself or your loved ones, you gotta do whats right by Gods standards. but at the same time, sometimes it hurts.

it has been a hard past few days to say the least!
he loves me? yes. he loves God? yes. He wants to pursue me the way God has made it? ehhh.
thats the problem. it sucks to say, but all good things must come to an end.
BUT... all God things can last.
if God takes him away and changes his heart and brings him back then im set<3

on the other hand, im foolish. he loves me, loves God, wants to do it Gods way.

i love him, i dont wanna let go. he is my vent, my best friend, the one i can talk to about anything. what happens if he disagrees, what do i do if he leaves? who do i count on, who helps me back up off the ground, when i fall super hard on my butt? whos gonna hold me? whos gonna understand that even though this is super selfish, its totally okay? whos gonna love me through the good the bad and the crazy? whos gonna laugh with me when only i think its funny? whos gonna hold me? because i could go for that right about now; someone just holding me and letting me know its all gonna be okay and that he'd walk through anything by my side. does this count? will he walk with God more or the same way i am? i need to be led- i'm the woman. i need these things.  men need to be praised and loved in their positions, women need to be praised and loved in their persons. its hard to feel/know your loved for your person, for who you are, when you feel ignored and that your like a burden. i cant be on sometimes "to-do" list, my emotions cant be second, and my body especially cant be first.

okay that was a serious rant. and i meant every. word.

lets just be clear about one thing; i hate this but i will do what God wants, whatever that may be. and no i do not care what you think- except if its positive, if its hurtful stay away. i dont wanna deal with anything/anyone else right now.